An Update...

Hi, so I haven't written in a while. Just getting back into the swing of things, life, work, cleaning up the house, etc... Healing has been going really good, I only have a little bit of a scab on the larger of my wounds, where my port is at and even that should be gone by Monday I think. I am still pretty swollen internally where my port is at and I have been taking Tylenol for the pain at work. I have a desk job and so after 10 hours of sitting at my desk, it is a little sore and tender.

I went back to work this past Monday and I only told a few people (that I knew I could trust what I was actually doing) all others just thought I took off vacation. A lot of people are nosey and have been trying to find out what I did when I was gone, why I didn't go somewhere tropical, or whatever. I just hate it, I wish people would mind their own business... So I have a co-worker that is supportive of my surgery, but has also been rude about it at times. I don't know if she is jealous because I will be able to maintain my weight loss after losing it or what. She isn't heavy or anything and I really don't understand her motives for being so snide. She offers me foods that I really shouldn't be eating now (since I have about 4 more days on soft foods) like popcorn, chips, cake, (that would go down easy, but I have eaten enough cake in my life to feed 4 small villages in Africa), and chocolates. She KNOWS what I can eat now because I have shown her a menu that my surgeon's office gave me for examples. Also, since my tummy is healed for the most part, I can pretty much eat 2-4 ounces of food at a time and get hungry with in an hour or two (I am scheduled for a fill on 11/11, thank God!). I am a believer of eating when you feel hungry (after drinking a bunch of water and making sure that you aren't just thirsty), so I eat every 2-3 hours. A few days ago she had the nerve to tell me when I was going tot he fridge to get some protein that I "have had enough food for the day" and it was about 1:00 in the afternoon at this time. I looked at her and said "I eat if I am hungry and my surgeon wants me to eat every 2-3 hours so I get in all the protein I need in a day". She pretty much shut up at that time. Why do people have to be so hurtful and condescending? If it doesn't affect them, they shouldn't care. People think their opinions are so important that they have a right to tell you what they think. That is the EXACT reason why I didn't tell everyone at my work about the surgery, I don't need people judging what I am eating, how much I am eating, and how often. SIGH!!!

OK, so I feel better now... The only struggles I am having with food and eating is that I still feel like I just want to pig out and eat as much as possible. I can't do that anymore and that is when I feel badly. I started up taking anti-depressants again and I was pretty sad about that. I wanted to be off of all my medicines and when I got back on it, I felt weak. Last week it hit me HARD though and all I wanted to do was sleep and cry. So I knew it was time. I am off of my high blood pressure medication though and I am SO happy about that! I am sure me losing 19 pounds when I was 2 weeks post-op helped my blood pressure stabilize. 19 pounds is crazy huh!? My fill nurse says I might not lose anymore weight up until my fill appointment and to at least try and maintain that loss. That has been my experience so far (there are days that I eat something that I probably shouldn't), so I am sure if I re-focused again I would drop at least 5-10 more pounds. It is nice to have my clothes and bras not be so tight that I am uncomfortable though.

Well, that is it for now. I promise I will write more again. Talk to you later!

Tomorrow Is It!

Well, tomorrow is the BIG day! Yeah! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I took the pictures, measurements, and weight last night, so that is all set. I bought 3 pairs of scrub pants to wear after surgery (since they apparently don't think fat chicks higher than a size XL wear PJs). Oh well, they will be comfy and I will look like one of the doctor's at the hospital tomorrow, so that's always cool.

Well, I don't really know what else to say so I will just explain how I feel physically...

My head has been hurting pretty bad for the past 3 days (caffeine withdrawal I am sure) and I can't take anything. I feel really tired and kind of sad since I have been on a liquid diet (I am not complaining, because I know there are some doctors that require a 2 week liquid diet) this whole day. I had a bad day at work just because 1 of my co-workers knew I was on a liquid diet and was being kind of mean about it. She would make snide little remarks about how full she was from eating and sit at her desk (which is right smack next to mine) and make "yummy" noises... WHATEVER!

I am probably pretty crabby since I haven't had any kind of food...Oh well, it will ll be worth it! :)

I GOT MY EFFING DATE!!!

YES! High five! I got my date!! It is Thursday October 2nd and I couldn't be happier! I was nervous when they first called and told me, but as the day has gone on I have been feeling more and more excited. Not so nervous now... YIPPEE!!

I'll write more later...

...Still Waiting...

So...This has been the most tedious and annoying thing that I have had to deal with besides living as a fat person. I had my last pulmonary appointment last week and called Snyder's office on Tuesday to see if they had received any of the results (wishful thinking I guess). I was told no, so I decided to call the pulmonary doctor's office to see if I could give 'em a little nudge... I found out they LOST part of my test results!!! Let's just say I was seeing a little more than red during that conversation. UGH! So after talking myself down from killing everyone within a 3000 mile radius, I realized that it wasn't done on purpose and I would have to wait a bit longer. The hospital called a little later on that day to schedule a "make-up test". They told me that the next available appointment they had was the following day (Wednesday) at 9:30 AM. I took it, because I wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible (to move things along as fast as I can). I thought it wouldn't be a problem with my job to leave for a couple of hours and just use vacation time. I knew it would be "unexcused" since I didn't give them 24 hours notice (like I give a shit about their stupid "unexcused" crap!!! What am I in elementary school again?!). I went into work the next day and told my boss that I had gone to have a breathing test last Friday and had to make up a test that they had lost the results too(at 6:00 in the morning, so they knew as early as possible) and asked if it would be cool. She started to tell me that it probably wouldn't be since I work 4 10's and am not able to make up and time. I told her that I didn't plan on making it up and just wanted to use vacation time. She told me that she didn't think it would be possible still. I told her that if I had to get a note from the doctor I would (I don't take advantage of calling in sick or coming in late to work EVER, so I didn't get what the problem was! I STILL don't as I am typing this blog!!) She said she would have to talk to our unit manager and see if it would be OK...............Let me repeat myself, she had to ask someone else if it was OK.......AREN'T YOU MY F*CKING BOSS BITCH!? SIGH!!! So, long story short, the unit manager said it was fine and I went to the appointment. It still pisses me off and it is now FRIDAY! Whatever!

So I called the pulmonary doctor to see the results and they said they hadn't received the results yet.....The medical center I had to go to to have the tests done is DOWN THE STREET from my doctor!!!! They knew I was ANNOYED, so they said they could just print them out from the web and if they were normal results would fax it over to Snyder's office today. Unfortunately Dolly isn't in the office today and she is the one that schedules the surgeries. I have to wait until Monday afternoon to actually get it (HOPEFULLY!!). I am calling first thing Monday morning to get my date because I am no longer taking my blood pressure medication, anti-depressant, or birth control pills and in the last week alone have gained 7 POUNDS! Coming off the anti-depressants have made me eat EVERYTHING in sight!!! I swear!!

So...Now back to what I have been doing for 3, almost 4 months.....Waiting.....

WOW!

My last pulmonary appointment is tomorrow...I can't believe it! This is the last hoop I have to jump through before I am actually given a surgery date. I hope they get all the test back quick, so they can schedule me in quick! I have never been so excited and yet so scared at the same time before! Well, I probably have, but not like this.

I want it to be October 3rd, that is my day off that I have during the week (I work 4x10's now) and I wouldn't have to take any time for that day. I have a really good feeling that it will work out that way for me. :) It is just a gut feeling... I also applied for short term disability so I can take off a total of 2 weeks from work. I only have about 50 hours of vacation time, so after that is burned up, I am pretty much screwed. My work is VERY strict about our time and not very flexible at all with schedule changes or leaving early without prior notice. They also don't like you to take time off unpaid, they pretty much shit a brick last year when I had knee surgery and took 2 weeks (1 week vacation and 1 week unpaid). Whatever, they are douche bags.

I got my POA all hammered out and my living will, so now I just need to have 2 people who know me, but aren't related to me or going to receive anything from me (like an inheritance) legally. I don't know who and the hell will do that, since most people at my work really don't like me. I think because I am shy and keep to myself (that is until I get to know you, then you can't shut me up! Ha-ha!) that I am rude or stuck up. Whatever, I can't worry about that stuff anymore, I have spent so much of my life doing that and look where it has got me. It is time to worry and work on myself.

Thinking about getting healthier kind of has awakened a feeling inside me that I am getting excited to have a kid. Probably still not for a few years, but I really haven't felt like this about having my own kids before. I mean, I have pretty much always known I wanted to have a kid/kids, but now I can feel it on the inside, like an emotion sort of. It probably doesn't make sense. Ha-ha! It does to me and that is what matters most.

So, I have to something off of my chest, because it is literally eating me alive on the inside. I have a friend that over the past year or two has become an alcoholic. She too has had WLS, but she had the RNY. She has been pretty successful with her weight loss and has only gained a minuscule amount back. She has been drinking wine like nobodies business and not only does it have empty calories it is also very high in sugar (which if you know how RNY works, would know that eating or drinking sugar can cause what is known as "dumping syndrome" where you basically get VERY sick, feel like complete shit, and throw whatever you ate/drank back up). There is no nutrition value at all in wine and I really want get to be 100% sober. She called me tonight and told me that today was her 3rd day sober and even though her bariatric surgeon recommended she go to AA meetings, she wants to "do it on her own" which to me sounds like the addiction talking and making her think she can "control" her drinking (now lets be honest, if she could control it, she wouldn't be an alcoholic to begin with, but whatever!). She did tell me that she spoke with her husband and he said she could have a drink tomorrow night......Did you just read what I f*cking typed, A DRINK! HELLO!! If it were that easy, there wouldn't be programs like AA, rehab, etc... The thing that worries me most is that her parents are/were alcoholics and they struggled for YEARS with drinking (which coincidentally enough were also wine drinkers) and lived most of their grand kid's lives as drunks. I think that is something that they truly regret, because you never get that time back. Well, I told her I would go with her to an AA meeting, but she said that everyone was saying things that were too depressing and she didn't want to me around that crap. SIGH! I don't know what else to do about it, I know one thing for sure though, I truly hope I don't change my addiction to something else like she did (from food to smoking and drinking). I guess only time will tell.

I'll write more tomorrow and let you know how the appointment goes.

My Final Test...

Hi, so today I had my final pulmonary appointment. It SUCKED!!! It was a breathing test and I had to do it in some sort of a pulmonary chamber, which is basically a box that you sit in and can see out 360 degrees. I am still not sure why I had to sit in there to do the breathing test, but whatever! So the tests sucked!! I had to put a mouthpiece in that was connected to a breathing tube which was also connected to the techs computer. I had to breathe normally with nose plugs on and then she would make this thing close the tube off and I would basically not be able to breathe for 2 seconds. This was done to measure the amount of space and pressure in my lungs. Then I had to empty out my lungs completely (and she made me PUSH!), which was so hard because it felt like I didn't have anymore air. So after pushing everything out, I then had to take a deep breath in and then push it out really fast, again emptying the crap out of my lungs. I had to do that 6 times! Then, they gave me one of the asthma medications and made me do it again 4 more times as well as 2 more tests where I had to hold my breath. This was done to see if the asthma medicine had any affect on my lungs and surprisingly it did! She said I took in more air and I could even notice that I could breathe better too. So I don't know if that means I have asthma or not. I guess I will find out soon enough.

I hope Dr. Snyder's office calls me here very soon to schedule my surgery date. I am just stuck on October 3rd, so I really hope I get that.

Well, I will write more later on.

Pulmonary Appointment Part I

So, I went to the pulmonology appointment yesterday and had an echo-cardiogram done as well as a bubble test. All the tests were basically to make sure my heart is healthy and could handle surgery. The technician who was performing the tests told me that "unofficially" my heart looked really good. That gave me a lot of relief, especially since I have the high BP thing, that always worries me that I will have a heart attack really young.

Having a heart attack is a scary thought, but at least I am being proactive and trying to do something about it. The last thing I want to worry about when we do have kids is if I am going to survive until their graduation or until they have kids.

I went to a support group meeting today and met a bunch of other people that already have the band. They had some good words of advise for me as well as showed me that having this surgery isn't the end of eating. I hope that by the time the next support group happens I have my surgery date. I have another pulmonary appointment next Friday and this is the last tests I have to do before I can get my surgery date. I am going to call Dr. Snyder's office next week to find out what I have to do after the last appointment.

It's my birthday today so now I am pretty much old. HAHAHAHA!! Ok, I will type more later on when I know more.