WOW!

My last pulmonary appointment is tomorrow...I can't believe it! This is the last hoop I have to jump through before I am actually given a surgery date. I hope they get all the test back quick, so they can schedule me in quick! I have never been so excited and yet so scared at the same time before! Well, I probably have, but not like this.

I want it to be October 3rd, that is my day off that I have during the week (I work 4x10's now) and I wouldn't have to take any time for that day. I have a really good feeling that it will work out that way for me. :) It is just a gut feeling... I also applied for short term disability so I can take off a total of 2 weeks from work. I only have about 50 hours of vacation time, so after that is burned up, I am pretty much screwed. My work is VERY strict about our time and not very flexible at all with schedule changes or leaving early without prior notice. They also don't like you to take time off unpaid, they pretty much shit a brick last year when I had knee surgery and took 2 weeks (1 week vacation and 1 week unpaid). Whatever, they are douche bags.

I got my POA all hammered out and my living will, so now I just need to have 2 people who know me, but aren't related to me or going to receive anything from me (like an inheritance) legally. I don't know who and the hell will do that, since most people at my work really don't like me. I think because I am shy and keep to myself (that is until I get to know you, then you can't shut me up! Ha-ha!) that I am rude or stuck up. Whatever, I can't worry about that stuff anymore, I have spent so much of my life doing that and look where it has got me. It is time to worry and work on myself.

Thinking about getting healthier kind of has awakened a feeling inside me that I am getting excited to have a kid. Probably still not for a few years, but I really haven't felt like this about having my own kids before. I mean, I have pretty much always known I wanted to have a kid/kids, but now I can feel it on the inside, like an emotion sort of. It probably doesn't make sense. Ha-ha! It does to me and that is what matters most.

So, I have to something off of my chest, because it is literally eating me alive on the inside. I have a friend that over the past year or two has become an alcoholic. She too has had WLS, but she had the RNY. She has been pretty successful with her weight loss and has only gained a minuscule amount back. She has been drinking wine like nobodies business and not only does it have empty calories it is also very high in sugar (which if you know how RNY works, would know that eating or drinking sugar can cause what is known as "dumping syndrome" where you basically get VERY sick, feel like complete shit, and throw whatever you ate/drank back up). There is no nutrition value at all in wine and I really want get to be 100% sober. She called me tonight and told me that today was her 3rd day sober and even though her bariatric surgeon recommended she go to AA meetings, she wants to "do it on her own" which to me sounds like the addiction talking and making her think she can "control" her drinking (now lets be honest, if she could control it, she wouldn't be an alcoholic to begin with, but whatever!). She did tell me that she spoke with her husband and he said she could have a drink tomorrow night......Did you just read what I f*cking typed, A DRINK! HELLO!! If it were that easy, there wouldn't be programs like AA, rehab, etc... The thing that worries me most is that her parents are/were alcoholics and they struggled for YEARS with drinking (which coincidentally enough were also wine drinkers) and lived most of their grand kid's lives as drunks. I think that is something that they truly regret, because you never get that time back. Well, I told her I would go with her to an AA meeting, but she said that everyone was saying things that were too depressing and she didn't want to me around that crap. SIGH! I don't know what else to do about it, I know one thing for sure though, I truly hope I don't change my addiction to something else like she did (from food to smoking and drinking). I guess only time will tell.

I'll write more tomorrow and let you know how the appointment goes.